Why I don't like Stephen King's writing

Things I don’t like about Stephen King’s writing style.

I’ve never been a fan of King, but I hear such great stuff about him from people who seem to otherwise have good taste.

I’ve now read 7 novels* from him, just trying to give him another chance, but I keep getting disappointed. Normally an author gets one chance if they are utterly unreadable, two chances if they aren’t good, three chances if they either show promise or are well praised. King always read like he had promise to me, but not quite anything that really hit me. I read It and Dream Weaver first and didn’t care for either one of them. I wasn’t going to buy another book from him, but my mom gave me a free one “Hearts in Atlantis”.

Hearts in Atlantis is one of the best books I have ever read. Just amazing.

I then read a short story by him in a compilation book called LEGENDS (also where I was introduced to the great George R. R. Martin). The story was about Roland, the gunslinger. He fought off a town of mutant-zombies. So I bought the first full novel he wrote about this Roland character. It was great. The second book was only okay. The third was the same. The fourth... I’m still trying to force myself through it.

Anyway, so I’ve pinpointed what I don’t like about the man’s writing.


-Uses parenthesis as an aside far too often. It’s overdone and starts to annoy me after a while.

-Most of his books have a phrase or three that are repeated constantly throughout. Like the parenthesis, it’s overdone. These are always cool at first, but get really annoying later on. Especially when it relates to the story because it just seems so patronizing.

-His chapter lengths are constantly sporadic. One chapter will be a page and a half, the next will be 20+ pages. While I believe that style is just as important as the story itself, there needs to be some structure, even if it’s a structure unique to the story. Chaos, does not count as a structure.

-He goes into unnecessary detail. Do we really need to read about the time the character had a boner when he was younger? He’s not getting paid by word count, is he? (That’s what ruined Dickens IMO, because Dickens had TALENT, but that’s another thread for another time.)

Anyway, that about sums it up. It's all of those things at once. I can say that Gunslinger and Hearts in Atlantis proved that he has the talent, proved that he could be amazing. He just keeps falling short for me.



*Dream Weaver, It, Gunslinger I-IV, and Hearts in Atlantis

Things to do when I get old.

*Purchase black socks and plad shorts. Wear black socks to knees, call shorts "short-pants".

*Yell at people for stepping on my lawn, everytime someone steps on my lawn.

*Cup hand to ear when people speak to me. Yell "Heh?" instead of while cupping hand to ear. Repeat if necessary.

*Make people pull my finger.

*Bitch about how easier the younger generations have it.

*Talk loudly about embarassing medical conditions.

*Tell children scary stories.

*Pretend I know older famous people, tell long and overly complex stories of the time I've spent with them.

Must... Shed... Pounds...

My stomach keeps growing. I sometimes think that I may be pregnant, but there's no strange cravings, no frequent urination, no morning sickness. Plus I don't have a vagina. That's where the baby grows, right? Somewhere up in the vagina?

I must just be getting fat(ter). I can make popping noises with my finger and my belly button, and I once knitted a sweater from a ball of lint I pulled out of there.

And I'm starting to believe that my zebra stripes are actually stretch marks. I may never have been a zebra at all...

No more blasting her in the face.

My wife wants to have another baby.

A premature birth announcement by donteatpoop

The most amazing blog entry of all time

As you read this, I am sure that you are already starting to feel an overwhelming sense of awe and wonder, like some starry eyed child seeing the moon for the first time.

Try not to allow yourself to be terribly overwhelmed, for though this post is breath taking, this is only a blog entry. Granted, this blog entry is incomparable to all other blog entries on all other blogs, but that is just an attestment to my geneous and the overall superiority to all other blogs.

So wallow in this temporary sense of wonderment while you can, for once you sign off you will only have the memories.

Random Question #2

Do they taste like nuts? Is that why we call them that?

TEST

This post is a test. It is only a test. If this were an actual post it would contain some form of content and not a stupid bullshit message like this one.