A handy man I am not.
I've never been very good or interested in handy work, and as a result I have no idea what the hell I am doing. This makes trips to the hardware store a bit of a chore, but I can do it on my own... It'll take me a while, but I'll eventually figure it out and take care of it.
What's worse than going on my own is going with my wife. My wife is a handywoman. She loves doing shit around the house and she's good at it. It's really embarassing to follow her around the store, especially when the other guys give me the "look." You know what I'm talking about, the 'what kind of man are you?' look. It sucks.
Maybe you're thinking "well then, you better start learning how to do shit around the house so that you don't have to be embarassed." But there is a flaw in that logic. As I stated previously; I have never been good or interested in handy work. And my wife enjoys it, so why ruin a good thing?
Instead I have developed a plan. Any time my wife and I both go to the hardware store, I will walk behind her and act like I'm retarded. Hands straight down at my sides, taking tons of short steps instead of normal ones, my face looking straight at the ground the whole while... I get less looks this way.
I mean, when you're just a guy who has a wife who knows a bunch of shit about hardware and repairs and shit, you get a bunch of looks from guys like you don't have a pair of nuts between your legs.
But when you're retarded they just smile politely or avert their gazes.
I've already put the plan into play once and had great results. I intend on implementing this strategy with each visit to the hardware store. Hopefully I won't run into anyone I know.
What's worse than going on my own is going with my wife. My wife is a handywoman. She loves doing shit around the house and she's good at it. It's really embarassing to follow her around the store, especially when the other guys give me the "look." You know what I'm talking about, the 'what kind of man are you?' look. It sucks.
Maybe you're thinking "well then, you better start learning how to do shit around the house so that you don't have to be embarassed." But there is a flaw in that logic. As I stated previously; I have never been good or interested in handy work. And my wife enjoys it, so why ruin a good thing?
Instead I have developed a plan. Any time my wife and I both go to the hardware store, I will walk behind her and act like I'm retarded. Hands straight down at my sides, taking tons of short steps instead of normal ones, my face looking straight at the ground the whole while... I get less looks this way.
I mean, when you're just a guy who has a wife who knows a bunch of shit about hardware and repairs and shit, you get a bunch of looks from guys like you don't have a pair of nuts between your legs.
But when you're retarded they just smile politely or avert their gazes.
I've already put the plan into play once and had great results. I intend on implementing this strategy with each visit to the hardware store. Hopefully I won't run into anyone I know.
posted by donteatpoop at 11:23 PM
4 Comments:
Good one. Sounds like you need to make video.
Another fun trick it to pretend your blind. Get some really dark glasses and a blind stick thing.
What I do when I go to stores that I dont want to be at, is pretend to be gay. That always bothers the person Im with to the point of making the visit much shorter.
Real stretch of the imagination, eli.
I take slight offense to that.
Only slight.
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