How much do you know about...
Worms fuck. It’s true. I found out in probably one of the worst places I could have.
I had just gotten home from work and had to take a shit in the worst way possible. So I went to bathroom to drop a serious deuce only to find that the book I had been reading was no longer in the house. My wife apparently cleaned the bathroom and put my book somewhere. I didn’t have time to look for it, shit was about to go down quite literally. So I ran to the kids bookshelf and scanned the titles and grabbed one of those “What do you know about…” titles.
I ran back to the toilet, dropped my pants, sat down and opened the book. “What do you know about… WORMS.” Great. I sometimes get the unreasonable paranoia that something is going to come up out of the toilet and crawl up my ass… So why not worms?
Oh well, I pushed on and started reading. There was an index and I skipped right into the “Mating” chapter. I was like… “They have sex?” I don’t know… I know they reproduced, and when I was a kid I thought you just ripped them into pieces and that was how they reproduced; but I’m not so deluded anymore to believe that to be true.
How did I think they reproduced? I don’t know. To be honest, worm sex is not one of the topics that has ever entered my mind before cracking that book out. I don’t know if it just never occurred to me or if I subconsciously pushed any such thoughts from my mind.
But last night I found myself staring at the pages and discovering that worms fuck… All while trying to ignore the terrifying rising thoughts of a worm coming up out of the toilet and crawling up my ass.
Yep. Worms fuck. Did you ever see two worms laying on the ground touching? That’s them fucking. That’s how they do it. They just get up next to each other and go at it. And get this, both worms involved get pregnant. Both worms have worm eggs, and both worms have worm sperm.
I’ve also discovered that I really enjoy the term: worm sperm. I also just discovered, upon writing the last sentence, that saying “the term worm sperm” is even more entertaining. I’m now trying to think about other words that I could fit into that, like “firm” or “germ”, but none of it makes sense. Wait… The firm worm sperm has germs…. That was fun.
Okay, so they have sex, right? And then this film travels up and down the length of their bodies and falls off to become an egg sack, wherein hundreds of baby worms will hatch. At that point I decided that hundreds of baby worms are creepy. It’s one of the creepiest things I can think of. Spiders, cockroaches, centipedes, ticks… Yeah, they’re kind of creepy; but hundreds of tiny little baby worms? Fuck.
What if they all started crawling up my ass? That would be seriously fucking scary.
I had just gotten home from work and had to take a shit in the worst way possible. So I went to bathroom to drop a serious deuce only to find that the book I had been reading was no longer in the house. My wife apparently cleaned the bathroom and put my book somewhere. I didn’t have time to look for it, shit was about to go down quite literally. So I ran to the kids bookshelf and scanned the titles and grabbed one of those “What do you know about…” titles.
I ran back to the toilet, dropped my pants, sat down and opened the book. “What do you know about… WORMS.” Great. I sometimes get the unreasonable paranoia that something is going to come up out of the toilet and crawl up my ass… So why not worms?
Oh well, I pushed on and started reading. There was an index and I skipped right into the “Mating” chapter. I was like… “They have sex?” I don’t know… I know they reproduced, and when I was a kid I thought you just ripped them into pieces and that was how they reproduced; but I’m not so deluded anymore to believe that to be true.
How did I think they reproduced? I don’t know. To be honest, worm sex is not one of the topics that has ever entered my mind before cracking that book out. I don’t know if it just never occurred to me or if I subconsciously pushed any such thoughts from my mind.
But last night I found myself staring at the pages and discovering that worms fuck… All while trying to ignore the terrifying rising thoughts of a worm coming up out of the toilet and crawling up my ass.
Yep. Worms fuck. Did you ever see two worms laying on the ground touching? That’s them fucking. That’s how they do it. They just get up next to each other and go at it. And get this, both worms involved get pregnant. Both worms have worm eggs, and both worms have worm sperm.
I’ve also discovered that I really enjoy the term: worm sperm. I also just discovered, upon writing the last sentence, that saying “the term worm sperm” is even more entertaining. I’m now trying to think about other words that I could fit into that, like “firm” or “germ”, but none of it makes sense. Wait… The firm worm sperm has germs…. That was fun.
Okay, so they have sex, right? And then this film travels up and down the length of their bodies and falls off to become an egg sack, wherein hundreds of baby worms will hatch. At that point I decided that hundreds of baby worms are creepy. It’s one of the creepiest things I can think of. Spiders, cockroaches, centipedes, ticks… Yeah, they’re kind of creepy; but hundreds of tiny little baby worms? Fuck.
What if they all started crawling up my ass? That would be seriously fucking scary.
posted by donteatpoop at 3:03 AM
1 Comments:
I learned worms in Grade 10 biology when, in the dissection module, the teacher had us draw from a hat to determine what each of us would cut up.
While other kids got chickens, pigs, (the obvious) rats, frogs... I got 'earthworm'. And just to make sure any fun was sucked out of it, I had to work on an old & shriveled specimen out of a jar: no garden-fresh subject for me, no! I was nose-to-nose with a dead, formaldehyde-stinking, dried-up worm for a week.
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