Death

I deal poorly with death. Every time I say that someone says "yeah, me either;" but I don't think they really understand. I'm horrible with it.

A couple weeks ago a friend of mine passed. He was hit by a car while walking along the street and run over by a second car. I hadn't talked to him in maybe ten years, but back then we hung out fairly often... Weekly or bi-weekly or so. When I found out he died I was in a pretty bad state of depression for more than a week. I tried to mask it, didn't think it was even showing; but people kept telling me that I needed to snap out of it or pointing out that they could tell that I was bumming. (don't get me started on the "snap out of it" crap, that's another story for another time).

I cried after his funeral. I don't cry. It's been years since I last shed a tear that wasn't born from a yawn. I'm generally quite devoid of any in depth emotions, at least on the surface. But death hits me.

The other day my great aunt died. Technically she wasn't related to mel; she was the aunt of my uncle, my uncle being married into the family. I only saw her twice a year, Easter and Christmas; and due to her health issues I hadn't seen her in a few years. She was a sweet woman. I attended the church services for her today. I was pretty choked up at several points.

I don't understand it. I process things slowly, so perhaps that's part of the reason. Maybe it's just me realizing that it could be me one day. Maybe it's empathy for other people. I don't know what it is, but I don't like it. I much prefer practicing my blend of blatant assholery and sarcasm.

Oh well. Rest in peace Bob Boak and Aunt Thetis.