Must... Shed... Pounds...
My stomach keeps growing. I sometimes think that I may be pregnant, but there's no strange cravings, no frequent urination, no morning sickness. Plus I don't have a vagina. That's where the baby grows, right? Somewhere up in the vagina?
I must just be getting fat(ter). I can make popping noises with my finger and my belly button, and I once knitted a sweater from a ball of lint I pulled out of there.
And I'm starting to believe that my zebra stripes are actually stretch marks. I may never have been a zebra at all...
I must just be getting fat(ter). I can make popping noises with my finger and my belly button, and I once knitted a sweater from a ball of lint I pulled out of there.
And I'm starting to believe that my zebra stripes are actually stretch marks. I may never have been a zebra at all...
posted by donteatpoop at 4:12 AM
4 Comments:
1. When you go to the filthy fly-infested pond for your daily drink, do hungry-looking crocodiles try to lure you into the deeper water?
2. When you are grazing on the sun-baked serengeti plain, do you feel as though you're being watched for any sign of weakness by the neighboring pride of lions?
3. Does Billy Mays yell and point at you from the other side of your television while pandering worthless products?
If you answered "yes" to any of these questions you are probably a zebra.
I call mine 'racing stripes'.
vroom vroom.
There are many inexpensive tests on the market to verify if you are pregnant. Since you don't have the proper plumbing, I doubt this is necessary. If you took part in any scientific research you might want to check on that zebra theory!
(Eljay--from Plime!)
I hope I am not double posting.... that being said...There are many inexpensive tests on the market to verify pregnancy. However, seeing as you have the wrong type of plumbing that wouldn't be necessary. If you took part in any scientific research or tests, you might want to look into that zebra thing.
Eljay--from Plime.
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