The Metal Gate

The wife and I had a little fight the other night. It’s been a while since we’ve squabbled, so it was about time really.

I don’t even remember what we were arguing about, but I know it was something stupid (the best fights are the stupid ones).

It got pretty heated and it eventually reached the point where I was going to start flipping out and saying mean things that I didn’t mean, so I decided that I just needed to end the fight real quick and walk away so that nothing escalated. So I said “fuck you,” and walked away (this is how I end fights). As I walked away I stepped through the metal child-gate we have that keeps our dog out of certain rooms. I opened it, stepped through and slammed it behind me; not shut, just slammed it.

So Mrs. Poop was like “Oh you like slamming things, do you?!” and she grabbed the gate door and was like SLAM! SLAM! SLAM! SLAM! SLAM!

Well, I wasn’t going to let her get away with that, so I grabbed the gate and did one huge incredible hulk SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!! That one ripped the gate right out of the door frame, and my wife walked away. I was glad she walked away too, because I had broken several parts of the gate with that last slam.

I ended up setting the gate aside, propping it up against a wall and not saying anything about it.

Later on, after we were no longer infuriated with one another, Mrs. Poop saw the gate and said “why do you have the gate over on the wall like that? Put it up so the dog can’t get in here,”

“I’m afraid I can’t do that,” I told her.

Then I showed her the cracked and bent pieces and we laughed. It was a pretty awesome slam, all things considered.

The next morning we went out and got a new gate.