Penmanship

Last night when I got home I had to pee so bad that I couldn't wait until I got inside. So I started peeing in the snow, and naturally my instinct was to write my name.

It was perhaps the most pristine example of penis penmanship the world has ever seen. That shit was so perfect it could have been a font in Word. Not one of those fonts that you have to download, but one that comes standard with the software.

Anyone who has attempted to write their names in the snow with their urine can attest to how difficult it is just to be legible. Well, my name wasn't just legible, it was beautiful. If I'm ever famous, I want to sign autographs like that.