Boxers or Briefs

...Or commando, as I'm sure some of youn sick bastards are saying in your heads.

I don't like briefs, but they certainly hold my balls in one place. They're a bit confining, in my opinion, but I'm sure that's just a matter of perspective. Briefs activist probably claim that briefs are like a cotton hug for your testicles.

But I don't like them. My nuts need freedom. Plus, with my massive manhood, there's no room in the little space for my third arm AND the boys.

I prefer boxers. (or commando, really, but I have to wear something to work.)

Boxers are great because they allow the man room to swing free. He and the boys hang freely without any constraints. The only drawback to boxers (or no underwear at all) is the limitations they place on your ability to jog effectively.

With every running step I take, they slap up against my leg.

Slap, Slap, Slap, Slap, Slap, Slap. Oh no, donteatpoop is running this way.

In an all-out run it's like there is a crowd giving me a standing ovation as I go by.

X-Grande

I'm a larger dude, over the average weight of the average American male. I accept this. Maybe one day I'll lose weight, but meh... Who cares? I lost it once and got it back. Apparently playing video games and drinking beers is not a condusive lifestyle to a healthy body.

I looked down at the label on my underwear today and read X-Large in English followed by some washing instructions. Below that was the Spanish version of X-Large, X-Grande.

But wait a minute... Extra isn't a Spanish word! How the fuck does X-Grande stand for extra large then?? Maybe the "X" stands for something else to the Spaniards. Maybe it means "Extremely" or something worse that doesn't translate to an English word that has the letter "x" in it.

That got me thinking about the "wash instructions" that are in Spanish below the "X-Grande". Were they really washing instructions? Or was it something else? Is there a secret message in my underpants that alerts Spanish literate individuals to my utter massiveness? Is that what it is?!? Or is it something like "This asshole has no idea what this shit says. Rob him. He's fat, just throw a twinkie and take his wallet." Is that the message? Huh? Huh?!?

Well I'm not falling for it! I'm on to you and you're Spanish insults that line the interior of my underpants! Don't think I don't know!!

Don't try reassuring me that they are just instructions for wash. I know better. A spanish person would use the same method as I would to wash his underpants, so there is no reason to print it our twice.

As soon as I decode the secret message in my underpants I'm going to officially protest. For now, I'll just act like I know and make vague references to it and laugh about it like I think it's funny. But I'll find an interpretor, you just wait.

By the way, there is a secret message for you in my underpants.