Issues With Urine.

I think I may somehow be ingesting soap. I'm not sure how or why, and I certainly never noticed during the ingestion proccess. But the evidence is plain.

When I pee, there are bubbles in the toilet.

Seriously. Bubbles. You could wash yourself with my piss.

Maybe I should see a doctor, or maybe I'm passing up a huge money making opportunity. Should I bottle and market this? If so, I think the bottle should be penis-shaped.

A Short Poem About Cooties

Cooties really do exist
I got some from your mom.
I woke up and I found some spots
Where spots do not belong.

Automated Fans... I miss you.

There was a time not so long ago when I did not moderate comments and did not have that "type the squiggly letters" thing in place. I used to get countless comments from members listed as anonymous. They were my automoated fan club. They would often give me wonderful compliments on the color scheme of my blog before offering me a cleverly disguised link to pornography. Sometimes they would say "I found more information on this HERE", with the word "here" being hyperlinked to porn.

At first I was annoyed by this, and I admit that I may have over reacted. I put up the "type these squiggly letters" thing and started moderating comments. As soon as I did this, my automated horny readers stopped commenting. I will admit that at first I was actually relieved by this, but now I realise the errors of my ways.

I am so sorry, porn-linking-machines-that-comment. I am so regretfully sorry. Though I will not take down these hoops that you must jump through in order to post a comment, I encourage you to try. Give it some effort and I know you will succeed. The letters are just a little squiggly and I am sure you can make them out if you try.

I miss you, and look forward to your random links to porn. Please jump to hoops, I don't know how I've been getting along without you.

Read My Stuff

donteatpoop's interactive story list

That's right. I'm trying to get people to read some of my interactive stories. For some reason, I figured I'd prey on you, my three or four blog readers. What better way to attract a mass of fans to my work than to plug it in a blog that no one reads?

But where else would I plug it?

Sigh.

INSERT DEPRESSING RANT THAT BRINGS TEARS TO YOUR EYES.

Sorry I went there, but I had to get that out.

I'm in a Band

It's imaginary but all the members are real. We have three guitarists, three vocalists, a bassist, a drummer, a sax player, and a cowbell artist. We even have a roadie and an embezzling manager. It's sweet.

Only things we don't have are a band name, fans, and groupies.

I'm stoked.

Being in a band is so cool. Seriously, it adds like ten points to my otherwise non-existant coolness factor. You know what the coolest part of being in a band is? Being in the band.

Are you in a band? If you answered no to this question, please take a moment to reevaluate your level of coolness. And don't give me that "I'm stand alone cool," because you're not. And don't try to tell me that you are "too cool" to be in a band. Because, let's face it, you're not. You're on the internet reading a blog written by a man named donteatpoop, and you're trying to tell me you're cool?

Maybe you'd be cooler if you were in a band or something.









But you're not.