In search of a beer store

I was away on business this weekend and checked on beeradvocate.com for some good local beer stops. I found a grocer (ACME) listed that supposedly had good a selection, it also had the same name as the company that sells all the stuff that Wile E Coyote orders, so I decided to go.

I left the hotel and drove the ten minutes or so in search of the place, realizing after the first two minutes that I had to pee. By the time I got there it became apparent that I had to pee really really bad.

Given my bladder I decided that I would hit up the restroom first and relieve myself. But I couldn't find it. I had to try and avoid pinching it off by hand and just did my best with mind-over-matter; but there were a few times I grabbed my junk and held it for a bit. I tried to time it for when no one was around to see, but the last time some woman saw me and got this disturbed look on her face like she thought as about to whip it out and smack her in the face with it.

So I mumbled "I have to pee" and moved past her. Everytime I saw an employee they were super busy and couldn't help me, but eventually I found two women seated at a table in the candy section (which isn't far from the beer section). They were like "Hi, are you here for your flew shot?" and I said "No, I'm here because I have to pee and I can't find the bathroom and some lady saw me touch my penis and thought I was a pervert but I was only grabbing it so that I didn't pee all over everybody."

Then they said "the restrooms are right over there," and pointed at an area that was less than ten feet away. So I went peed. I gotta tell you, it was one of the most magical times in my life. The unrine just kept pouring out, tears welled up in my eyes... I must have stood there for five minutes letting the piss flow.

When I was done, I shook three times, washed my hands, and walked over to the beer section.'

Then I found the beer. They really did have a good selection, a lot of micro brews were available. The wine selection was pretty awesome too, divided by country and vintage. I was really pleased, and if I'm ever in the area again I'll go back. (but I'll be peeing before I leave)

Shit Whistlers

Whistling is an entertaining way to pass the time. Some people whistle as they drive, or walk, and many whistle while they work. I whistle to songs sometimes if I don't know the words. Whistling is a perfectly acceptable way to pass the time.

Well, most of the time anyway.

I was deeply disturbed by something yesterday. What was it that disturbed me, you may be asking? It was none other than our beloved and seemingly enjoyable was to pass the time; whistling.

As I walked into the MENS ROOM at work (cause that's where I pee) I was confronted first by the sound of whistling and second by the stench of the work this man was whistling along to. I peed quickly, shook three times, washed my hands, used the paper towel to open the door (because I have phobias) and exited the bathroom gagging and embracing myself in a hug that dropped me to the floor in the fetal postion.

Let me make one thing perfectly clear: It is not acceptable to whistle while you shit. Just as it is unacceptable to eat while you drop your load. Shit whistlers are among the most disgusting people out there and show a blatant disregard for the peace of mind of other individuals.

Before you start, it's not right to whistle while you piss either.

In fact, the only bathroom activity in which it is okay to whistle is washing your hands. Unless your at home, what you do in the privacy of your own home is your business, whistle to your anis' content at home. But not in a public restroom.